Giving Your Kids the Gift of Self-Worth

Last Wednesday night I was leading a “Winning Parent” parenting class at our community center.  W got on the subject of self-esteem.  What an amazing gift and advantage a child has when he or she grows up with a positive self-image! Having a good view about who you are, just liking yourself, that’s so important.  People who like themselves, who believe in themselves, are more willing to take risk.  Contrary to what you might think, they are more willing to give to others, to be more kind and compassionate.  Why?  Because people typically give out of their abundance, their overflow.  A child who likes who they are can more easily pay attention to the needs of others.  They are not so self-absorbed because they are not constantly trying to fill some deep longing for approval.  They are satisfied.  I don’t know what my parents did to give me this gift but they did.  And I’m so grateful.

You can see it on the first grade playground and in the high school hallways.  Kids who have a good self image don’t need to draw attention to themselves.  They don’t need to pick on others to make themselves feel better.

Think about it, how many bad relationships do people get into, how many bad decisions are made, how many missed opportunities in life are there because a person struggles with believing in themselves.  Your son could have a wonderful season playing t-ball or signing up for the college choir.  Your daughter would be willing to tell you about the dance squad tryouts she’d really like to go for or the inappropriate advances from a boy in school that she fell for if she just believed she was worthy to do so.

In our group discussion we all agreed that having a good self-image is so, so essential.  But is it something we can actually give our kids, or is it in our DNA?  Maybe some people have it and some people don’t.  Well genetics may have some role in it because our unique make-up plays a part in who we are as individuals.  But I believe as parents there are things we can do to build up our kid’s sense of who they are, their self-worth.  In our group discussion we can up with three things.  I thought they were great so I’m going to share them with you here…well not all three of them.  I’ve been rambling on enough that for this entry you get just one…but I’ll share the others shortly.

So here goes.  Key parenting strategy #1 to give your kids a positive self image….  TIME. Yep.  Spending time with your children is a gift that is precious.  Chances are, they will never thank you for it, at least not till their grown and on their own.  You may never see the expression of joy on their faces because you took time to pick out an outfit with them, or throw the ball with them, or attend their soccer game or their school play, of faun over the cool model they made, or attend their “tea party” or read to them.  But spending time with your kids says to them in unspoken yet profoundly deep ways, “You matter to me.”  “You’re worth my time and attention.”  Can you see how important it is to simply spend time with your child?

Understand, this is not something you do for the month of November and check it off your to-do list.  No, spending time has to be something that you make a priority to do all the time.  In fact, if you get into the habit of spending time with your kids, being invested in their lives, then when seasons or situations arise where for business, health or other reasons, you can’t spend as much time with your child, it’s OK.  It’s OK because this period where you don’t spend as much time with them is clearly the exception not the norm.

So if you want you kids to have a healthy self-image, decide now that they are the most important gift to you in the world and that you won’t let work, worry, hobbies or habits keep you from spending the quality time with your kids that they need.  Their life and maybe yours too can depend on it.