Giving Your Kids’s a Strong Sense of Self-Worth-part 2

Last week I wrote about how important it is for children to develop a strong sense of self-worth.  How do you raise kids to like themselves?  There’s no magic formula…at least not that I’ve found.  But I do think there are a few key things that we as parents can do to help “stack the deck” in favor of our kids coming into adulthood with a positive self-image. 

I’m sure you could probably spend your Saturday reading books ad-nauseum about how to build up your child’s self esteem.  For, me, I’ll keep it simple and stick to offering just three things.  In my last blog I talked about one key strategy which is simply spending time with your kids.  The gift of your time and attention communicates volumes of unspoken love that helps a child know that they matter, that they have worth.

The second principle I want to suggest is this. put them in situations where they can succeed.  This can be any number of things.  For example, have your son or daughter help you make dinner.  Let them help you mow the lawn.  Have them clean their room.  Let them wash your car.  Since it’s nearing Christmas time, let them help decorate the tree.  Sign them up for piano lessons, or pee-wee football or martial arts.  In each of these situations, the key is to give them enough instruction so that they have what it takes to succeed and not fail at the task.  When you challenge a child to do something they’ve never done before, and you give them the tools, techniques and training they need to accomplish the task well, you set them up for success.  Do this throughout their lifetime and you help develop a child who is not afraid to risk, who’s willing to try new things.  They begin to believe in themselves. 

A key here is to balance between giving them enough leeway so the child feels like they are really doing the task on their own.  In other words you’re not smothering or jumping in half way through the task and taking it over.  At the same time, you are giving enough direction and instruction that the child has the opportunity to accomplish the task well and receive your praise and commendation when they do!  This can be frustrating because many times you get into a project and realize the child isn’t quite getting it, or perhaps they are not doing the task up to your standards.  May I suggest (for you especially “anal types” that you resist the temptation to “take over”.  Keep your cool and your patience and remember, this is not about getting the task done perfectly, it’s about training your child and helping them learn and grow.

As a parent, you need to be intentional in giving your son or daughter lots and lots of opportunities to succeed at things.  Doing this over the course of their 18 or so years with you, giving them ever-expanding responsibility is a key to developing a positive self image.  In your zeal to build them up, don’t settle for mediocrity.  As my dad always told me when I was growing up, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”  So if the task is not done properly, find a way to lovingly point out the error and then don’t fix it for them.  Have them make the necessary correction.  In the end, you will have lots of opportunity to brag on your child, sing his or her praises and compliment them for sticking to it and a job well done.

Over time, your child will learn what success looks like and know they have it in them to achieve it.

Advertisement