Giving Your Kids a Positive Self-Image-Part 3

You know how sequels to movies are usually never as good as the original installment.  By the time you get to the third release, the writing and plotline has gone way down hill.  Well since this is the third and final installment of this issue of raising kids to live with strong self-esteem, hopefully you’re not ready to write me off.  Go ahead and tell me off if you like…just don’t write me off. 

So we’ve talked about the importance of spending time with your children as a way of affirming them as having value and worth.  And last week we discussed how you can find opportunities to put them in situations where they can succeed.  This week I want to challenge you to be intentional to speak positively about them.  Yep, your words can be platforms that elevate your child’s self image to higher levels or they can be trenches that cause them to stumble and fall into lower and lower levels of self-worth.

I think when speaking positively about your children it’s very important to focus on complimenting and praising them not for what they do but for who they are.  You don’t want their self image to be based solely on their performance.  In other words, when they do well, they feel good about themselves.  But when they perform poorly, they think poorly about themselves.  For example, your child draws a picture and shows it to you.  Instead of saying “That’s a great picture”. or “You drew a really great picture.”  Say something like, “Wow, you really have a talent for drawing.”  or “I love the way you can see something and then put what you see on paper.  That’s a real gift.”  Instead of praising the performance, you are praising them.  Do this all the time, at every opportunity and you are helping your child develop the sense that they are gifted with traits, characteristics and talents that give them worth and value.  Their value is not based on what they’ve done but who they are.  Big difference.

God uniquely created your child with all sorts of amazing ability.  Your job as a parent is to help them discover this ability and learn how to channel it and use it to be a blessing, not just for themselves but for others.  Helping other people builds self esteem.  Using their God-given abilities in a way that contributes to society builds them up.  Now I’m not suggesting that you should never correct bad behavior, point out character flaws that need adjustment for fear of wounding your child’s fragile self image.  Nope.  In fact, failing to correct bad behavior doesn’t endear you to your child or help them develop a positive self image.  Just the opposite.  When you let your little one get away with murder, you are communicating at some level that “What you do doesn’t matter that much to me.”  Discipline and correction is a strong and powerful way to communicate self worth.  Even when you have to point out a bad behavior or attitude, you can find a way to affirm their self worth.  For example,  ”David, you are too smart to settle for that C in biology.  I know you have great smarts that you are not using like you could.  What’s keeping you from doing your best work?” 

So make a point to be intentional and consistent in praising your child.  Be specific in your praise.  And don’t just compliment work or behavior but compliment the skills, talents, character, characteristics, attitudes and abilities that your child has.

There are no guarantees that your child will growing liking themselves and having a positive self image, but you certainly want to do all that you can to help them think rightly, and highly about themselves.