Don’t Let Guilt Dictate Your Parenting

Let’s face it, none of were perfect cherubs growing up.  We all made mistakes, some big, some not so big.  One thing I think we all need to guard against is letting our own shortcomings keep us from doing the right thing when it comes to raising our own children.  For example, I have some friends who have a teenage daughter that is being sexually active.  This couple had sex before marriage themselves but later in life came to see the value and importance of remaining chaste until marriage.  What a gift to give your spouse, the security and intimacy of knowing that you have been with no other.  That your one and only has been your one and only sexually.  But because my friends sowed some “wild oats” before marriage, they somehow feel they are not qualified to train their kids to act that way.  They feel it would be somehow hypocritical to tell their teenage son or daughter to “wait” when they didn’t.  While I understand the thinking, it’s still not smart.

Maybe you were a rebellious teen or gave your parents holy fits through being sassy and disrespectful.  When your own child acts in a similar way, there’s this little voice inside your head that says, “See, you’re getting what you deserve.”  Instead of coming down firmly with your child, you make excuses or give a half-hearted disapproval.  Why?  One word, guilt. 

Think about it.  Let’s say you did drug and robbed banks as a youth.  Does that disqualify you from teaching your son or daughter with conviction that this is not a way to behave?  If anything, the harsh experiences you faced ought to give you more passion to raise your son or daughter to behave differently.  Yet, that nagging thing in our heads called guilt plays the all too familiar tune of “How dare you” and “You’re not worthy” and “You can’t preach what you didn’t live”.  But guilt is not from God and it’s never helpful.  Conviction to live better and having a conscience about right and wrong IS from God…but not ”beat yourself up” guilt.  Guilt never inspires us to live better or parent better.  It only saps our will to be our best and keeps us from being bold and doing the right thing.

So don’t let guilt over your own past mistakes and failures keep you from parenting your children with conviction to do the right thing, live the right way and be all that they were created to be.  Don’t give into the lie that says you can’t raise your son or daughter to live with a higher standard or a different world view than you had.

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